Friday, November 20, 2009

Trust me?

I would apologize for not blogging more, but you know what? Screw you guys. I'm doing this for me, not you. Me, and posterity. And they're gonna read these blog posts all at once (like an episodic novel), without having to wait for weeks on end between updates. So there. =Þ

Yeah, I know how to use ASCII to make a smiley tongue face. Can you do that? I didn't think so.

So, Korean girl (who shall remain nameless, but you all know who I'm talking about) is really frustrating. Like, the same reason I like her (which is because she's so cute and dainty and girly and delightful) is the same reason I get all pissed off sometimes (because she's so flighty or flaky or fliggety-flammety). I mean, I totally understand that girls can change their minds, and I respect that, but come on. We had a date planned... don't tell me (and only after I ask, mind you) that no, you're not coming over in a couple hours so we can have dinner (or staying over for a couple hours so we can have dinner) together. And by the way, don't even tell me that. It's not so much about waiting until you're put on the spot. Have the balls (I really like parenthetical expressions, did you notice?) to tell me that you're feeling tired, before 6pm when you're leaving my apartment.

On the plus side, and apart from all that, things are good here. For our 100 day anniversary (which, by the way, I'm only using that term because there aren't any good ones in English, but seriously, they celebrate 100 days together here), she gave me this really awesome grey Reebok hoodie (which, by the way, is cool as shit here) that I have to fight the urge to wear every day. I gave her these kind of expensive purple gemstone earrings (that I thought were perfect for her skin tone, plus were totally trendy and gilten... is that the right word? anyway... she didn't like them, for whatever reason. oops). She's kind of an awesome girlfriend, but there are just some things that apparently are ok here that wouldn't fly back home (and vice versa).

Anyway, things are more or less good. I'm way into "Curb Your Enthusiasm" now, and "Deadwood," and "Breaking Bad." I think these things are making me more wordy than I deserve to be. They have great writers. I don't. Please forgive me.

I did, however, just find my tin of Burts' Bees lip balm, so I'm feeling cool as a cucumber at the moment, lip-wise. Yeah.

So, the other native English teacher here, Leland, just celebrated his birthday last week. Our Korean coteacher, Bo Il, gave him this awesome, poster-sized print of a photo he took while out on a trip with a photography club this fall. And when I told him (Bo Il, not Leland) how cool of a gift that was, he offered me one too. I accepted, because how ya gonna turn that down, am I right? So now I have this kick-ass framed print of a river lined by gorgeous red... flowers (not a botanist, though I do love a good parenthetical), and beautiful reflection of the sunlight. Hanging (well, not so much hanging, but sitting on the floor directly underneath the place where it will soon be hanging once I get the nails and hammer and such) on the wall across from my bed. That wasn't even a full sentence. What kind of English teacher am I?

Yes, I realize I never completed the story about the DMZ, or even started the Halloween storytelling (which was awesome), but both of those tasks will be completed in due time, I promise. Pinky swear, even.

Trust me? ;)

Monday, November 2, 2009

Silly hackers

Just got a message from an old friend on Facebook chat. Well, I say old friend because the last time we actually talked was probably in high school... and "friend" might be a little strong. I mean, I wouldn't punch him in the face if I saw him on the street, but I probably wouldn't invite him to my son's bar mitzvah, either. Anyway... I got no problem with this guy, but also no reason to believe that it was actually him messaging me. I vaguely remembered reading online about these things called Nigerian 419 scams, which are happening on facebook now.

Well, it turns out that like the first half of the conversation is no longer showing up in the chat screen. That blows. But allow me to summarize, at least from Mr. Haxxor's point of view:

Dude, please come online and help! I'm stuck in London! I got robbed at gunpoint! They took my phone! I injured my leg! I have a plane ticket home but I need $900 for my hotel and cab fare! Can you please Western Union me the money?!

Me: mostly stalling and making ridiculous observations about how hard this situation sucks for him. Finally I give in... which leads to "searching for WU locations," and this:

well, sorta. i think all the locations are actual banks, which are closed right now

i'm still looking. hang on man

7:37pmsilly hacker



dude, the closest place is like 20 miles from here

7:39pmsilly hacker



but I gotta take a bus to get there

it might be... an hour? can you wait that long?

7:40pmsilly hacker


30 Leicester Square.
City, London
United Kingdom. WC2H 7LA

Name:Eric redacted

Allow me to interject here and draw your attention to how instantaneously he got this address in there. I mean, it followed about 3 seconds behind the "ok." Cut and pastey, time no wastey.


and what's your full name? i don't even remember your middle name man. sorry... that's kinda jacked up, but i wanna make sure you can get the money when it gets there

7:41pmsilly hacker

that's all the info you need

Gettin a bit snippy, aren't we? I mean, I am sending you almost a thousand dollars, here... jeez!


oh... if you're sure. will they give me a confirmation number or something to make sure it goes through? sorry, i've never used western union before

7:43pmsilly hacker

you will be given a confirmation number(MTCN#)

all i need is the senders name,and confirmation number to get the money.


ok, well you got my name. i'll let you know the confirmation number when i get it. will you still be online when i get there?

7:45pmsilly hacker



or hell... you got a phone number where i can call you?

7:46pmsilly hacker


Ah, come on! It was worth a shot, right?


that'll be faster than waiting for me to go and come back


no public phone, hotel phone, something?

7:47pmsilly hacker
u can send me a mail ( +447024074948

that's the hotel number.

got it?

This is, I'm almost certain, not his real email address. I actually have no idea... but when I looked at his facebook profile page, this address wasn't actually typed in, if that makes sense. Instead, someone had posted an image file with this email address written on it. Sneaky sneaky, little hacker. Also, the UK apparently doesn't do reverse directory, and I don't really feel like calling this number from my cell phone. If anybody wants to skype it and get back to me, I'd love to know who picks up the phone.


yeah, i got it. alright man.. give me like an hour. i'll call you when i get it all worked out, cool?

7:49pmsilly hacker




any time...i mean, this must have been terrible for you

7:53pmsilly hacker

are you gone?


not yet. just getting better directions on how to get to this place

7:55pmsilly hacker



what's up?

8:00pmsilly hacker

you can send me the western union details to my mail.(

I'll be waiting.

8:02pmsilly hacker

have you gotten a better description?

u still there?


yeah, i think so

where is the money being sent again?

i need to write that down

8:04pmsilly hacker


30 Leicester Square.
City, London
United Kingdom. WC2H 7LA

got it?


what's the name of the place?

is it a bank, or ...?

8:06pmsilly hacker

it's a western union outlet nearby.

please you need to get going.

Haha. So far as I can tell, there is no Western Union outlet nearby. Also, are we really trying to send $900 "nearby"?! Don't you want it sent to exactly the right place? I don't have the most sophisticated software on the planet, but google (who very well might have the most sophisticated software on the planet... who knows?) came up with nothing for this address and Western Union. Or banks.


ok, i'm leaving now man. just hang tight

8:07pmsilly hacker


I'll be waiting.


yep, you will. got no other choice, huh? haha

8:42pmEric is offline.

So I figured that was the end of it, but wait! While I'm gone to Western Union (which will take an hour, one way, on the bus, mind you) he comes back! I didn't answer, of course. Didn't want to ruin the illusion, but anyway, this happened:

Eric is online.
9:10pmsilly hacker

u there?

9:12pmsilly hacker

Sean are you there?

9:16pmEric is offline.

Any quick thinkers got any other ways for me to screw with this guy? I kinda figured if he thought he was getting paid and I wasted some of his time, I could keep him from targeting other people for a bit until hopefully Eric or his wife wake up and realize what's going on. Your advice is appreciated! I'll update if I have the pleasure of chatting further with this wanker.

Get it? Wanker? Cause he's in jolly old England... haha. Anyway, that was my entertainment for the evening.